We are entering the time of year when special attention is turned to our beloved departed. October 27th was Día de los Muertos de la Mascota (Day of the Dead for Pets), a special day dedicated to honoring and welcoming back the spirits of beloved pets who have passed away.
That same day I received notice that one of my soul dogs, Sheldon, had passed away. Out of the thousands of dogs I have met/fostered on this journey, Sheldon was in the top 3 that “got away.” But I know he had a wonderful family and was as loved as could be.
There are few things harder than losing an animal you love. And when someone we care about loses a beloved companion, we often find ourselves at a loss, too. What do we say? What can we do? Is there anything that might help?
There is no perfect thing to say, and no gift that can make grief disappear. But there are ways to show up, for a grieving friend or for ourselves.
Since becoming an animal chaplain, I have gathered and created a few resources that I hope can be helpful during these times.
I WANT TO HELP SOMEONE WHO IS GRIEVING
When someone loses a beloved animal, we don't need to find the perfect words or make their pain go away. We just need to acknowledge their loss, listen deeply, let them know their grief matters, and show up if/how we can.
There is a lot to cover here, so I've put together a blog with practical tips on helping a friend who has lost a pet, including ways to offer support when you might not know what to say.
If you'd like to send something tangible, my Harmonic Return Home or my Black Dog greeting cards offer a way to reach out and let someone know you're thinking of them. You might also consider one of my ceramic dog talismans / grief holders.
I WANT TO REMEMBER A PET I LOST
One of my favorite quotes says “Grief is love with no place to go.” And that is why I think it can be extremely helpful to create a space (physical or emotional) for that love to express itself. This could be via an object, a place to sit with our grief, or a small ritual that makes room for our feelings.
A note on altars and rituals: you don't need to follow a particular tradition or believe in anything specific. An altar is simply a place to gather your special objects. And you can create your own ritual, which can be as simple as touching a significant object and saying to your pet “Hi! I love you!” when you think of them.
If you are feeling creative, you could build your own object/space.
For inspiration, here is a portable altar I made for my childhood bunny. I used an Altoids-type of tin box (you can buy blank ones online). I glued textured papers, ribbons, beads and a fake fur trim for a tactile experience.
And this is a micro altar I made for shelter dogs. I created a tiny painting and placed it into this box, barely larger than my thumb. I carry it with me when I work with shelter animals or as an animal chaplain. It helps me hold all the dogs, all the shelters I have visited, all the feelings I struggle to express.
If arts and crafts aren’t your thing, you can find significant objects made by someone else - Etsy is a good place to search. Or you could use a simple object and infuse meaning into them: a toy, a rock,…
You might also like my handmade ceramic dog talismans, which I created to be little grief holders and companions. They can become part of a personal remembrance practice, you can hold them for comfort, or they can sit alongside a photograph or a beloved collar.
Or keep an eye on my ceramics, as I often list objects I create with pet altars in mind.
I NEED A LITTLE COMPANIONSHIP RIGHT NOW
Grief can be lonely, especially when the world around us doesn't fully understand what we've lost.
If you are struggling with your grief and not finding the support you need with your loved ones, please know that you are not alone. They are many communities, professionals, and support groups that are there for you.
For example, you may join Lap Of Love’s grief groups or Facebook community. My animal chaplain organization (The Compassion Consortium) also offers monthly animal loss groups and you can also find one-on-one support with an animal chaplain. These groups are a beautiful way to be held by other people who get it.
Check my other blog where I list more resources, including Dr. Lawlor’s grief journal, A Tribute to My Beloved Animal: A Journal to Process Grief & Loss. In her private practice Dr Lawlor specializes in anticipatory grief and pet loss.
My mini oracle decks offer another kind of companionship. Each card features a former shelter dog/cat I've photographed and a small piece of wisdom. They aren't meant to provide answers to grief, but they can be a gentle prompt for reflection and comfort.
And, lastly know that you don't have to turn your grief into something beautiful, find a lesson in it, or move through it on anyone else's timeline.
You are allowed to miss your friend.
You are allowed to be changed by their absence.
The love you shared was real, and it deserves space.
With much love,
Sophie
